Student Interview Transcript & Analysis
I- Interviewer P- Participant
I: My first question is, how was the process of getting into Silberman and then I put like a little specific bullet points. So the first one would be, did you know someone who had gone through the process in the past?
P: Yea. So I applied for the advanced standing program, the process, It wasn’t terrible. I applied a little bit past the deadline in March because at first initially I wanted to go to Columbia or NYU. And I got accepted into those schools, but then I noticed that that cost was sky high, especially just for one year, it was like 50 grand. And so I changed my mind later in the summer, I decided that I wanted to go through with Silberman and it was pretty easy. I got paired with an academic advisor.
I: No, I am sorry I wasn’t saying anything.
P: Oh, no, you’re good, I thought. I got paired with an academic advisor and she helped me get set up with the process. So originally I wanted to do the clinical track, but I changed it to community organizing and that was pretty simple. They helped me with that. Um, yeah, it was it wasn’t terrible. It was pretty smooth. I’m trying to think I think that yeah. Like it seems like so long ago, but when I applied.
I: But that sounds pretty good because I feel like there’s so many times where folks say even that portion of the experience is so time consuming and so terrible because there’s not a lot of guidance, so, just to hear that you were ok in that part is pretty refreshing.
P: I mean, I submitted my application and they gave me an acceptance like that. I’m like, are you just admitting people off rip now? But, the only thing I didn’t like about that application was I think we had to write a case study or in the application process. Do you know what I’m talking about?
I: So we didn’t have that for the 2 year. So the 2 year is pretty much a very basic like college application, basically. So you have like your personal statement, you have like why are you here type of thing. And then unfortunately, which I am so like, oh, I’m so shady for this. But unfortunately we had a group interview and I know that a lot of y’all did not.
P: We didn’t have an interview at all
I: Yea, we had a group interview and it well, it was so at least for me, I was not comfortable. I have this terrible thing that when I get super duper nervous, I start to stutter. Ugh, it is going to be the death of me.
P: Oh, my God. I couldn’t. I’m the same way and I’m very shy also. So everyone’s (Laughing)
I: I think it was like I want to say about 10 of us in that room. It wasn’t even a small group either. That was the other thing. Like there was so many of us in my head. I feel like it was a lot of us, but it was only like 10 of us. Unfortunately for me, I feel like everyone in that room was coming from something social work related. I was the only person in that room. I was a nanny. Like I took some time off between undergrad. So I’d been a nanny for like two years. My undergrad was in forensic psych. So I was like, well, it looks like my dumb a** is not getting into this program.
P: Oh, my. That starts. Oh yeah. I wouldn’t. I couldn’t imagine.Yeah. Sometimes I feel like that in classes, but you’re probably gonna ask me about the courses so I’ll answer that there. But I also want to say one part of the application process which was tough, which is not sure if I wanted to go through with it just because I knew everything was going to be virtual. I’m like, am I going to get the same experience? Should I even go through with this? I also did feel like now that you say like there wasn’t that much guidance, like I didn’t have that much of a connection. Like in undergrad, like they were on top of it, like always reaching out. So I did feel a little bit like I did feel a bit isolated, but yeah, other than I want to cover some of that stuff.
I: I definitely want to cover some of that stuff in depth so I’m not going too much back in those points, but I definitely want to cover that down the line because I feel like that’s a big part of your experience. Like having folks that support you from the college itself, I think is a really big deal because it just makes you feel more secure. I feel like when you have to get your information from, like Facebook or friends or other folks who went to the college at one point. Yeah, it makes you feel good because you’re like, okay, I’m getting somebody first hand experience at the same time I want to know for sure that this is how things work.
P: Exactly
I: Sometimes what happened to you may not be what’s going to happen to me if we went through different tracks. You know, like your experience is pretty different from mine as a full time two year student. So just imagine how that would play out if we were each other’s friend and I’m trying to, like, talk you through it.
P: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I definitely want to speak on that down line. I know you said you have a question on that somewhere down the line.
I: So yes, we’ll, we’ll, we’ll save that one so the next portion is if anyone in your family has gone into an MSW program or has gotten their masters in the past and did you feel supported through the process. So it’s more or less in that same family.
P: So no one in my family is a master of social work. Actually, a lot of people, my family are like, social work, are you sure? It is annoying, but I do have some like an extended family who did get their masters. And I did get a little bit of support from them because I was on the fence whether I wanted to go straight into Masters or work a little bit, it’s crazy because I still feel on the fence about that. But yeah, they were. They were. Yeah. Yeah, because I feel like a lot of people in the courses to have like so much already working social work experience. And sometimes I just feel like a little bit like not as. I want to say, like, not as knowledgeable as them, so, yeah, going back to my family, they did help me. I guess they did help me process that out or decide that’s the support I received.
I: Yeah, I hear you on that. Like being on the fence about wanting to work or wanting to jump into it because I felt the same way like I did it. I don’t know, maybe it was just because I just hadn’t been out in the world or like I haven’t been sitting around folks that were like thinking about doing social work or had done social work before. But I didn’t realize that so many folks go out into the world and do this work without actually getting their MSW for years before they actually step foot in an MSW program. Even my supervisor at my placement, he has, aside from getting his MSW, because he did get his MSW a really long time ago and he got his PhD or whatever, but he didn’t get licensed until like five years ago. That’s another thing that I didn’t realize a lot of folks do, because so many jobs that don’t require you to have your license with your MSW. And so it was just stuff that until I actually sat in these rooms and spoke with these folks, I didn’t even think about it like I didn’t think right. And so now I’m in this room filled and it was all women that there were no men in this room. It was all women. And they’re all they’re all sharing their experiences. They’re all talking about the amazing work that they’ve been doing for child welfare or a bunch of organizations like Awesome, awesome stuff. But some of them had been doing this for 10, 12.
P: Yes. And it feels a little bit like sometimes in courses I’m like, do I want to speak up? Because these people have been in this field for so long. And I’m like, what? I don’t know. I guess I probably shouldn’t have that thought. I was like, what can I offer? You know, these are I’m so nervous that I’ll say something that I don’t know like sound as knowledgeable or yeah, it’s just it’s very nerve wracking when you’re in classes with people who have year, 18 years, like you said of experience.
I: Yeah, listen and I had to follow that. I had to answer that like I’ve been a nanny for two years. My good sister here has been working in the social work field for 18 years. Like I, I wanted to get up and go. Like I’m going to go and get the experience. I’ll be back when I get my life together because, you know, I didn’t I didn’t know that I was a thing. So you know, long story short is I definitely feel you on that being on the fence, because it seems like for a lot of folks that also worked out really well. Right. It seems like being established in like being in a space in your career where you can take some time to go and get your MSW worked out better than, you know, jumping in right after that undergrad.
P: And you could apply I feel like that what you’re learning from your courses to something, you know, so.
I: Right. And you have I feel like, you know, so for for that person in specific, having 18 years under your belt, you have so many resources, you have so much time of just working and like numbers and things and things that, you know, and people that you know, that once that MSW is in your hand. Once that license is in your hand, like the world is hers, like I hope, I hope and hope and hope that there’s like no way in this world that she is going to struggle to get a job. After she gets this MSW, she has all of this experience, you know. So, you know, I guess it’s just not talked about as much as we would like it to be.
P: Exactly. Exactly.
I: OK, so the next one will be once you got in, how difficult was the process of enrollment? So these two little bullets were the folks assigned to help you actually helpful. Did you have a lot to did you have to do a lot of your own research? So this is the point where I want to talk about the folks at silberman and how helpful they were and what you got from them that guided you through the process, made you feel comfortable, made you feel supported it made you feel safe. Like, did you have that?
P: Yeah. To be honest after I got in I didn’t really feel that supported by Silberman, and it was such a hard transition because I got my bachelor’s in social work and I had an academic advisor assigned to me, she would go over my education plan. Ah my yeah. My degree audit She would talk to me about like schools I wanted to go to, my career goals, everything. And here it’s like nothing. It’s like radio silence. I don’t have that. And it’s especially hard because it’s online. So I don’t really have that networking opportunities either as much so it would be nice if I did have an advisor or mentor assigned to me that I could go to also. Just like getting a field placement was a nightmare. Like it was so horrible. I was scared that I wouldn’t even get a field placement. The communication was so bad with the field department. Like [Redacted] So it’s just a mess. And I’m just like, what am I paying for? What I felt like I’m just, I don’t know, just navigating it all alone. So, yeah, that’s basically everything, and I felt like I also didn’t have that many resources that Silberman offered me. So, yeah, that’s what I could think of for now.
I: Agreed, and I’m going to I’m going to try to like limit the back and forth for the time. I definitely agree and I think it makes me sad because during the pandemic, that’s when I felt that the most. Although I felt it before the pandemic, I was already feeling it like that first semester I struggled really, really hard because it was just like there’s this is all new. You know, if this is your first master’s degree, if this is your first time at Silberman, this is all new. Right? So if you don’t know the way, if you don’t know how some stuff works, I don’t want to have to guess. I don’t want to have to ask on the Facebook group, hey, have any of y’all ever been through this? Like, you know, I want to be able to email or call or walk into an office and say, hey, I need X? Who here does that? Right. And before the pandemic and even during the pandemic and after like all this time, we’re still going through all this uncertainty. People are having to go on Facebook to ask other people if they’ve gotten their degrees. Do you know when they’re going to be mailed out? Like I graduated. We’re graduating in May. Are we walking? Has anybody heard? Why is it that there’s no who like no folks that you can reach out to directly to say, hey, we have these questions, why haven’t they said anything? It’s March. We walk in May.
P: Exactly. You know, like I’m an advanced standing student and I have to take courses in the summer. So, like, I don’t know if I’m walking the stage in May or in August or about applying for graduation, like things like I’m like where? Hello. Is anyone here. Yeah. Where is everyone. And why we have to go through these trials to go on a Facebook page to talk about it.
I: Like my biggest thing was before I know like one email was sent out sporadically and maybe I missed it, but I have placement with a good number of folks from Hunter and I had placement with five or six of Hunter folks last year too. We’ve all been placed together for this time and they were the ones who actually put in a group chat that we had like, hey, y’all, if you’re finished, walk and be a graduate for spring you have to apply by February 15th or you don’t walk type of thing. And I was like, oh, thanks for letting me know, but I have no you know, so it’s stuff like that that, you know, during the pandemic when people are asking like, when is this extra aid that’s supposed to come out? Like when is when is it going to come out? I never once got an email saying, hey, this is supposed to be dispersed this day. This is why you’re getting this money. You know, you have to hound the financial aid office for hours because there was so many people calling, like, that’s not fair you know.
P: It’s really not. And it feels super isolating, too. I’m like, what? Where do you hear? What are you doing? Right?
I: like, write a word, anything like any little thing that you can give folks during such a crazy time would have made a world of difference.
P: Exactly.
I: Because we’re sitting in this predicament where you don’t know what’s going on in people’s homes. You don’t know what they’ve got going on. You have no idea what their lives look like now and now they also have to deal with all of the uncertainty that comes from being in this program and not hearing a word from them.
P: Exactly. And it’s like where where is our money going towards then? Because I’m pretty like, what is that like? What are they like these little fees that they’re charging us, like? What is this what is this covering, because at this point I feel like I’m just doing everything by myself, like I am paying for my technology, like I don’t have any. What do you call it? Like those wellness services that they charge us for the.
I: Yeah, like the student activities fee activities.
P: Yea student activities
I: Listen, when we were at Silberman, that’s already not something that we were really using. That’s like an undergrad thing. Like In undergrad I understood the student activities fee because all the time in undergrad they had something popping that was like community hour when nobody had classes and they had like tables out and all the clubs were out and the sororities and the fraternities and all the people, everybody and their ancestors were out. Right. And they have something for you. They had a t-shirt contest. You get you a slice of pizza, whatever. Cool, cool. You can have the 125. That’s what makes sense. But at SIlberman like, very rarely did I see like big activities where everybody there and whatever.
P: I know or even like clubs when I first came here I’m like OK, what clubs maybe can I get involved with. Even if it’s virtual. I didn’t see anything. Nothing. So I’m like, where is this fee coming from?
I: Even before it was virtual. I mean, granted, I was in my own world most of the time but in undergrad, I would get a lot of this stuff emailed to me like, hey, so-and-so club is having their first meeting of the semester. Please join us, whatever, whatever. And you know would pop in and see if you were interested in something. I rarely heard of any of that stuff. Sometimes they would have my panel discussions or like the little art gallery thing that we have on the first floor, like we had some of that. So you’re charging me this money, now I’m not in the building at all. So you’re charging me this money for what reason?
P: Yeah, exactly. It’s so frustrating for what we need to organize and all the students need to organize and do. So it’s a figure like how to I don’t know, because we need something
I: I mean that first semester we tried. They put a petition together and whatever. But that’s the other thing that that feels very…feels very self-serving. Right, when they have this policy or like this model of like we’re advocates and this or the third but we’re advocates until we’re advocating for ourselves and then all ask a sudden, like, hold up. That’s not what we meant. Wait a minute I thought ya’ll were getting us ready to do just this just for the people. But this is what we’re training to do. And they go, yeah, yeah, yeah, we’re training you to do that somewhere else. Not against us. Don’t bring that here.
P: No, yea, very self serving. I’m like the why are you in this field then? You know? If so, I mean…
I: Because it’s cute. Like the social justice label is cute.
P: I think it’s like trendy now. Like some people do it for a trend that looks socially desirable.
I: It’s valid to, you know, to to to be the social justice. It is valid to be the school that trains and teaches advocates. It’s it’s like, you know, ask you what your pronouns are on an application like that that’s poppin. It seems like all the right things to do. It seems like all the politically correct things to say right until I have to actually put some action behind that. And I have I have to have my policies and the stuff that we put out there match what I’m saying. And then all of a sudden it’s like, well, hold on. Now, that’s not what we said, that we stand for And it’s like, so what do you stand for?
P: Exactly. Whew! That’s the one. Yes.
I: OK, so how was the placement process? Do you feel like you were properly represented? Were you heard & did you get what you wanted? Because a lot of folks say they didn’t get anything near what they want.
P: So it was in the beginning, it was a nightmare. I didn’t hear from anyone. Um, it was radio silence. It was hard to get in communication with people. Yeah, but thankfully, I did get placed I did get in a good placement, one that I wanted. I am at [Redacted] and so their values and the work that they’re doing does align with my goals and what I want to do. And I’m definitely learning a lot from being at that placement. And so thankfully, yes. It was good, but the beginning was very nerve wracking and it caused me a lot of anxiety.
I: So you’ve got placed last semester, last semester, was your first semester?
P: Yes, so last semester was my first semester as a Masters student, so I got placed last semester. The previous year I was at a different school I had, my first, I was pursuing my bachelor’s. I got my bachelor’s of social work. And so, yes, I was placed last semester because I already did a field placement in my bachelor’s education.
I: [Redacted]
P: [Redacted]
I: that, a lot of those folks went really, really hard during the height of the pandemic to get us through those semesters so or that semester, and that really sucks to hear about after that [Redacted]. So have you felt like you could speak up during your classes? So I left this kind of open. But I think that it’s important to bring it to the specific topics that we’re talking about. So when we’re talking about Black Lives Matter, when we’re talking about anything that has to do with the movements that we saw really take off last year. Like, do you have those conversations in your classes and do you feel like your professors and your classmates make a safe space for you to be able to speak on those topics?
P: So we do often speak on those topics of Black Lives Matter and also just the pandemic and how it has disproportionately affected people, the BIPOC community in specific. Now, in regards to speaking up, I do believe that my professors and my classmates do create a safe and brave space for me to speak up. It’s just that it’s definitely an adjustment having to speak up virtually. I don’t know why. It’s just something like I get very nervous, especially because I also feel so new in this field. And I am a new master’s student. And I think that, you know, like I was saying earlier, that a lot of people have been in the field for some time and have different perspectives. And so I guess that intimidates me a bit to want to speak up in class. Um, I think I lost part of the question regarding the Black Lives Matter movement. I mean, we do discuss it, um I don’t know if this is going to sound a bit weird, but sometimes like as a black woman, sometimes I guess It could just feel exhausting. Because I feel like, you know, some of the conversations that we’re having, we’re having them very frequently, but it’s like still nothing is changing and it just feels like very repetitive and. I don’t know, like I guess it’s just exhausting or just like to hear about the inequities that black people in the United States are or around the world are facing is just. Yeah, like, I appreciate those conversations and I like engaging in that. But sometimes I think I need to take a step back just to check on myself, check on my mental health, because this is real. I see this. It’s not just a class discussion for me, like I see this in my communities or even with some relatives. So, again, I hope that made sense, but it makes a lot of sense.
I: It makes sense and I feel you on the point of it does sometimes feel exhausting. Um, other times because there are for the most part, there are a couple of classes that I have that haven’t touched the topic at all. Sometimes when it comes up briefly, I feel like it feels like a case study kind of. Right, and then sometimes we have those moments where. You’ll have the conversation and.. How do I say this, I feel like there are certain folks that ake up certain space, right, and I feel like that’s not fair. Because I’ve had moments where maybe I wanted to say something or I had a conversation with some of my colleagues and they might have wanted to say something, but we spent 30 minutes on the one white folk wanted to go in depth into how they understand or how they see the experiences and it’s like sometimes I want to take a step back. And give that space so that we can have some of these discussions, right? Put on your, like, listening ear, you know, like a toddler and give some of that space, I feel like some folks just don’t see it that way or maybe they don’t realize it.
P: It’s very frustrating, it really is. And then it’s like a point of me and tries to think like are you like are you saying this because it seems socially desirable to say that like and sometimes I think of like that white saviorship like it, it’s fresh. It’s extremely frustrating. I’m like, yes, please take a step back.
I: You know, sometimes I feel like some of the folks in this program feel like they need to go super duper hard on these topics and like go in-depth on how they see things and what they think and what they think should be happening, because they want people to feel like they’re with us. Like they understand and they’re with us and I am not like those other white folks, that type of like I get that sense a lot and honestly, a lot of the time, I’m not interested in doing the whole like, yes, you are great.
P: I don’t have the energy.
I: That and the like we started having conversations and then it’s kind of like, well, I don’t understand. Can you explain it to me? No. You can Google it. You like you know, you can research it. You can do a million things to get you that information. I cannot be the human that sits here and does this with you every single time you don’t understand something that has to do with black people.
P: Exactly. I was just having that conversation. I’m like, it’s annoying. So I already put in so much energy to do. Like, come on now. Like this has been this is nothing new. This has been happening for centuries. Even so, I’m like; you do the work on your own, research. There’s a million books out there, a million articles like I’m tired, OK?
I: I agree. I’m willing and able to have discussions. Like I’m I’m willing to participate when we’re having, you know, classroom discussions and we’re doing the whole. Everything with education, like I get it and I’m down for the cause. But, when it becomes so-and-so doesn’t get this, can you please further explain that to so-and-so and explain to so-and-so why or whatever they just said is super duper problematic? Because so-and-so has the same resources that I have and they have the same access to all this information. They not living the same life that I am, I agree with that. But you’re not entitled to that either. You’re not entitled to me sitting and giving you that point of view. And that’s the other thing in hopes that you understand and that you now stop the problematic stuff that you’re doing or that you’re saying.
P: Exactly. And also you’re not going to get a pat on the back for being antiracist. You’re not, like for saying that. Like, that’s you. You’re not like I’m not this should be a given
I: Right. OK, so. This other question kind of ties into the conversation about the classroom, but have you experienced any disrespect in the classroom, whether it be you or somebody else? And did you feel like you could speak up? Did other folks speak up to the professors, step in? How did that go?
P: Let me think. Not that I can think of, actually.
I: That’s good. That’s a good thing.
P: Yeah, thankfully, I’m like I haven’t really – mean, I did. It was actually last semester I was in this group and we were just speaking about like campaigning, like strategies for campaigning. [Redacted] and every time I tried to get a word in I was cut off. Cut off, not listen to I would say something, when the white student would say something like, we would basically say the same thing, and if I said something, it was like, oh no, like I don’t think so. When she repeated something that I said, maybe like a different word, or worded differently. It was accepted. So it was just I just felt kind of weird especially sometimes when I am in all white spaces, I do feel a bit uncomfortable, especially just what’s going on in the world. So that I definitely took that weird. I’m like. And it was just it was very uncomfortable and at one point I just shut down like I stop talking, but that wasn’t a breakout room, so. Yeah, it wasn’t addressed by professor, I did, and I was just like, I’m just not going to talk, you know, so yea.
I: I’m sorry, that you had to go through that because there are so many times where we are put in those predicaments and now our voices are dimmed, right. Or we kind of go into protection mode cause we don’t want to do that. Like we don’t want to have the back and forth with anybody, right. I don’t want to have to explain to you why this this idea that we’re doing is problematic. Right. But at the same time, in the back of my head, at least, I think to myself, like, damn, I know that this should not be happening right now, but do I have the energy to put myself in a space where this could possibly go left and now I have to defend myself against whomever and possibly have to go through some traumatizing sh*t like and I take this class.
P: Exactly. That was my thought process. I’m like, is it worth it right now? Let me just disengage, cause.
I: I’m sorry. I really am like, you know, and in those spaces, that’s that’s when I wish that the folks that like are so firm on being allies… like if I’m sitting in an all white space and somebody is dimin my voice, one of y’all notices this. That is your moment to shine the moment, the moment that you have been dying for at all times. This is your moment to say, hey, I don’t think that’s right.
P: Yeah
I: That’s not cool. We need to be able to do this together. But like together. Let’s not step on each other’s voices. I mean.
P: Exactly right.
I: So that’s also disappointing when you’re in that space and goes, hey, that’s not cool. You know, so I’m OK. So a big topic for many of us is just the time, the stuff that we do, having to be at our internship for 21 hours, having to be full time students. Have you been able to work? Have you been able to find something that works for you? I know that a lot of folks say that they either don’t work or they have to work part time or like they have to feel like they’re in eight different places at once to make this work because it seems like the program is not designed for folks who have to work for a living, you know, so have you found something that works for you?
P: This program is not designed for people who want to work. I was even seeing, like, is there a part time option for advanced standing because other schools do have that part time. So I’m like, I need to work. Yeah, I depend on myself, like no one’s paying my bills for me. So I didn’t really I so disclosure, I’m like, I’m not working right now because I couldn’t like after I saw, like, the layout of this program and also just having to have that field placement, I’m like, how am I going to fit in work? So I had to burn myself out over the summer to work crazy to save to be able to pay for my living expenses and stuff until I graduate. So, yeah, I haven’t really I just feel like I don’t have a break in the week, even on the weekend. I feel like it’s not really a break because I have 60, 70 pages of readings that I need to do. Yeah. And I’m like I don’t feel like I can fit. I can’t do those readings during my field placement because the work that I’m doing there is also very demanding. So yeah
I: I hear you on that. So I’ll wrap it up. I’ll kind of put my last two questions together. I think that virtual learning has been tough on most of us. I don’t think that most of us are loving it, right. Everybody learns differently. And I just don’t think that virtual learning really caters to any style. But with that, have you been able to find something that works for you in this new virtual world? And is there anything that you think Silberman could have done for us to kind of ease our transition into the virtual world.
P: Yeah, so I think what I do, because it is very hard to wake up in the morning and just open my laptop screen. It just feels very unnatural. And also, I just I don’t it hurts my eyes to even be looking at the screen all the time and just missing out on that human connection. But what I try to do for myself, just to stay grounded and to remain engaged is like I try to give myself little breaks, even if it’s just going out for a walk. Um, but I do in regards Silberman and would have been helpful, just being able to connect with someone, even if it’s an adviser or someone who can just provide guidance, who can you can get advice from, if you have questions like that would have been nice. And I understand, because they laid a bunch of people off and maybe it’s hard on their end. But even I don’t know, like if they have to hire more people or even just thinking of how are they treating like are the like advisers like are they burnt out, how are they being treated? And so is that reflecting of how they show for us. So even that just. Yeah, I think that’s what Silberman definitely could have done better, because I think now more than ever, like that guidance is so needed and that mentoring and…
I: It would have made a world of a difference
P: Exactly right. So I’m like I just feel like I have to figure everything out on my own, to be honest. So, you know, especially because we’re paying so much money for this, I’m like, why do I have to figure out so much on my own when I’m dishing out like. I have to or will be in debt, like.
I: Yeah, it’s thousands of dollars and, you know, and then this just the way that some of this stuff is set up, it’s hard sometimes to find the answers that you’re looking for like or sometimes you don’t even know what the hell you’re really asking for. Like, I know you have an idea and you’re trying to go with it. And, you know, it would be easier if you had somebody from the school. You would know what to ask you. You would know what you were looking for. So I hear you on that.
P: I’m just missing out on that community aspect that, you know, from undergrad how I had that.
J.O. Representation of Interview- edited by author to suit website content.
Methods
A while back I sat down with my classmate, Redacted, to talk about our experiences at Silberman. I transcribed that interview and then looked it over. When I was reading the interview, I tried to find simple codes to attach to each answer that I got from Redacted. I did not want things to be too complicated or too packed when I went back to interpret the codes. I added all codes on the interview by using the comment feature on Microsoft Word.
Findings
The conversation with Redacted was really interesting and it was great to sit and talk with someone who understood what I was going through. That is also one of the reasons I struggled to interview her because I had to try to limit what I was saying to give her the floor. I know now after reading the interview back, that I needed to restructure some of my questions so I could give Redacted a chance to speak more. I also think I needed to limit the times that I spoke on some of the issues so that Redacted would feel like there was more time for her to speak. But, even with all that, I think the interview went well and there were some themes that kept coming up.
For example, it seemed like Redacted wanted more support from the folks at Silberman. She stated, “ To be honest, after I got in I didn’t really feel that supported by Silberman”; and this continued to be a theme throughout the answers that she provided. She also shared that the process to get placement was difficult, which ties into the fact that there was not a lot of support given to her. Another theme was finance and how that affected Redacted and her experience at Silberman. Redacted questioned our school fees, asking “What are they like these little fees that they’re charging us, like? What is this- what is this covering? Because at this point I feel like I’m just doing everything by myself”.
I was really glad that Redacted brought up the financial aspect of the situation that we are living through, because I do not think that it is spoken about enough. When folks are having the discussion about the things that happen to us at Silberman, we usually talk about how unfair it is and the fact that we want more, but we leave out the part that we are paying for this experience. Redacted also mentioned that she went into overdrive during the summer so she could save up for the fall semester, because this program is not designed for folks who need to work. Only offering us full-time schedules for classes, and requiring us to do 21 hours of fieldwork a week, it is almost impossible to have a “regular” job. This then goes into the conversation of exploitation, which is also something that we touched upon.
When we were discussing placement and how hard it was to actually get one, Redacted stated, “yea and I know that Silberman was laying people off, especially those adjuncts. So unfortunately, people are wearing a lot of hats”. It brings up the fact that folks are being overworked and underpaid and that definitely plays a part in the treatment that the students receive. It also ties into the fact that students feel exploited because they are forced to work 21 hours at field, often-times more, and not being compensated in any way. We acknowledged that the pandemic played a role in a lot of the things that took place this last year, but that does not change the fact that we wish things were different.
For example, Redacted talks about missing the community and the sense of comfort that brought her. She also talks about the differences that she noticed between grad school and undergrad. Pointing out that having someone there with you every step of the way was comforting. Knowing that you had someone to turn to when you had a doubt or a question was important. Through all this I realized that we had very similar experiences and that a lot of the things that bothered me, also bothered her.
Lastly, Redacted pointed out a lot of the things that make her feel frustrated and exhausted, one being the BLM conversations that were being had in our classrooms. One statement that really stood out to me was, “Yeah, like, I appreciate those conversations and I like engaging in that. But sometimes I think I need to take a step back just to check on myself, check on my mental health, because this is real. I see this. It’s not just a class discussion for me, like I see this in my communities or even with some relatives”. Between having to talk about things that hit close to home to feeling silenced in certain spaces, it is clear that a lot of classes can leave folks feeling exhausted.
Implications for Social Work
When I think about all the things that I talked with Redacted, I get really concerned because we go to a school that is all about social work. We should be in a space that allows us to advocate for ourselves, while also not giving us this much to advocate against. We also talk a lot about social justice, but how can we really have these conversations when there are black and brown students feeling silenced and oppressed by the college? All the problematic moments that I have been through at Silberman remind me that there is still so much work to be done. It reminds me that even the folks who are teaching us still have things that they need to learn.
Reflection
Although this conversation was insightful and helpful, it was tough to look back at it. To read it over and really sit with the information that Redacted gave me was really tough. In a way, I have become accustomed to my own struggles and I have long stretches of time where I try not to think about any of it. But, when I do think about it I get upset and sad, because I wish that things were different. I feel those feelings times one thousand when I am hearing my colleagues talk about their struggles.
The pandemic has affected us in ways that we haven’t even fully wrapped our heads around yet, and I cannot believe that Silberman was not able to provide any relief. There were so many opportunities that they had to do things right, and somehow they dropped the ball every single time. For example, when the number of hours were “reduced”, they could have supported us and ensured that was actually respected. Instead, folks are working the 300 hours and then some, with little to no time off. The points about exhaustion, exploitation, support or lack of it, should be highlighted. These are the stories that Silberman should be hearing and honoring. I feel incredibly sad having written about these things and thinking about all the things that my colleagues have endured in silence.
